Happy Father’s Day

Since it is Father’s Day today, I would like to say thank you to my husband for being the best daddy to our 3 amazing (but non-stop) children and for everything you do for our family. We live a super busy life right now but we have a lot of laughs along the way.  In the 12 years we have been together (married for almost 6 of those years) there has never been a day where I don’t think how lucky I am to have a man like you.

Love you so much xoxoxo

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Friend or Foe???…

I always thought that a career would define me as a person.  In other words, if I didn’t have this “big career” I wouldn’t be somebody.  I thought this for many years and at times, I still do.  A lot of my friends have degrees and masters degrees, went on to become doctors, lawyers, engineers etc.  While they were all busy building their careers I was busy searching for me.

A “friend” once pointed out to me that I had a lot of jobs in my working days.  I worked in the same industry, before our kids, for years. Yes, I moved to other positions to follow opportunity but that’s irrelevant, I don’t need to explain myself.  She said she thought I was just “biding my time” until I was able to be a stay at home mom.  SERIOUSLY???? WHAT THE EFF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??!!!  There I was pregnant with twins, sitting on my couch catching up with my “friend” and THAT is what she said to me.  I felt my heart sink, I’m sure she could see my eyes fill up with tears.  I was so hurt, confused and mad that this is what my friend, who I knew since I was a child, thought of me…so she thought I was just jumping around from job to job, “biding time,” waiting for some big successful man to sweep me off my feet and insist I stay at home with our future children and run a household???  When I think back, it was quite a ridiculous comment for a grown woman to make??  Besides, what business was it of hers what my husband and I decided for our family?  Let’s just say we aren’t that close anymore.

There is absolutely NOTHING easy about being a stay at home mom.  Yes I am grateful that I am able to stay home with our children, but it is hard work, stressful and challenging at times especially when your husband works away 3 weeks at a time and you’re home alone with 19 month old twins and a 4 year old (Thank God for my dear mom who helps me A LOT!).  I know there are others in more stressful and challenging situations than I am in, but this is about my own experiences.

So needless to say, I now have a fulltime career that is never ending.

 

How will Hailey adjust?

Hailey was just a little over two and a half when Madison and Dawson were born.  The first time she came to visit us in the hospital with Nanny and Poppy, my heart actually broke for her.  She was all smiley and happy, as she always was, as she climbed up on my bed, gave me the biggest hug and kiss and said, “Hi Mommy!” in her cheerful little voice.   My eyes filled up with tears as I hugged and kissed her back and told her how much I missed her…the 4 days I spent in the hospital were the longest 4 days ever.  That was the longest I have ever been away from my baby girl since she was born.

The day Jamie and I left the hospital with our babies, I cried the whole way home.  All I was worried about, besides the fact that we now had twins, was making sure Hailey still felt loved (OMGGGG, “still felt loved,” that sounds horrible!!).  I didn’t want her to feel replaced, ignored, unimportant…..we tried our best to make sure the transition didn’t upset her too much, after all she didn’t have just one baby to get use to, she had two!!  We included her when changing the babies or even just soothing them when they would cry, we would read stories and sing little songs (well Daddy didn’t do the singing because according to Hailey he can’t sing LOL!!….Thanks Hailey for thinking Mommy CAN sing…).  She was still so young herself and I’m sure, in her little mind, she was wondering what was going on.

A couple of months went by (a LONG and BUSY couple of months at that!) and Hailey realized that the babies were here to stay.  She even said we could keep Dawson because the loved him now (haha).  At first she only wanted to keep Madison because she was a girl (LOL).

A little over a year and a half later and the babies are now old enough to bug their big sister.  I find myself constantly playing referee, mostly between Hailey and Madison (Dawson is more of the calm child), counting down the hours before bedtime then once everyone is in bed I stay up way too late just to enjoy the quietness and not having 3 tiny humans constantly needing me, wanting me DRIVING me crazy!! LOL!!

Bottom line, Hailey did adjust fine…I think it’s me that still needs adjusting hahaha!!!

 

 

 

Twins

When my husband and I found out I was pregnant with baby #2 we were so excited!  It was Jamie who found out I was pregnant before I did! Actually, he was the one who first found out I was pregnant on baby #1…I was too scared to look at the tests (haha).

I will never forget the day we went for my 19/20 week ultrasound.  We were on the way to my appointment making our guess on whether the baby would be a boy or girl (because we decided to find out).  Of course we would have been happy either way, as long as the baby was healthy.

There we were waiting anxiously in a quiet little waiting room, then I hear my name being called….here we go, the moment of truth…will the baby be okay?…will everything be where it’s suppose to be?…will there be a heartbeat? So many thoughts were rushing through my mind, then the technician asked if I had an ultrasound previous to this one?….Oh God, there’s something wrong…I began to panic, my heart raced, I felt sick, I felt faint.  Jamie and I were silent, while I looked at the young girls perplexed expression on her face while she stared at the monitor.  “No, why is something wrong?” I asked her. She was quiet for about 3 seconds (which felt like an eternity at this point!), then she replies, ” no, not at all, you are just having twins!”….HOLY EFF…did I hear her correctly, twins?  I asked her if she was sure….she said she was pretty sure and turned the monitor around so I could see…OMG…OMG..OMGGGGGGGGGG two little heartbeats….two little heads….double everything.  Then I look down at Jamie, who is sitting at the bottom of the bed, he had his head between his hands and said “holy shit, 2 babies”…I just laid in the bed laughing and repeating “Omg, Jamie!!”…like it was his fault or something (hahaha)!  The technician then called in another co-worker to confirm we were in fact having 2……yep still 2 babies.  After all the commotion, and confirming that everything looked okay, she then asked if we wanted to find out the sex of our “Fraternal Twins.”….(Holy shit, twins…we were still in shock).  So we weren’t expecting just one baby, as I said a million times above, but two…and a boy AND girl at that!

After we left the hospital, we went for a drive….a LONG drive!!  We had to let our exciting, yet shocking, news sink in!  We were wide-eyed and quiet for a good 20 minutes before we spoke a word…then Jamie says, ” We are going to need a bigger vehicle.”….Seriously THAT’S what he said (hahaha)…in the meantime I’m over in the passenger seat staring at him and say, “There are TWO humans in here, I am growing TWO humans!”

The pregnancy flew by and before we knew it, we were bringing home our precious babies (to this day I still can’t believe it) making our small family of 3 quickly grow to a family of 5.

 

New Mommy!

 

Motherhood scared the sh%t out of me!  How many of you actually had everything all planned out (or so you thought) on how you would be as a mommy?  I know I did!  But wow when I left the hospital with our new little bundle, my mind went blank….I remember thinking how am I going to do this?? I don’t remember anything!  Will I be okay?  Will my baby be okay?…..I need my mom!!

It was all so overwhelming to me….here I was with this brand new baby girl whom I had full responsibility over…. and being responsible for another life is a lot, right!!??  Now I knew I wasn’t alone when I came to taking care of our daughter, after all I DID have my husband.  But why did he seem so laid back, comfortable, not one bit phased by the fact that we just brought a new TINY HUMAN into our home???  He seemed to be handling this new transition a lot better than I was and it made me feel sad (and a bit jealous!)….maybe it was just the raging hormones, the tiredness the fact that my body was still in shock over what had just happened!!  OR maybe it was just a cover-up to help me stay calm…maybe he was in shock too….who knows!!  Thinking back now, most of the first few weeks were a blur!

Since becoming a mother I have found out that there will always be the judgemental people, the jealous people and of course the mommy shaming people….and that is fine.  I made to promise to myself that I will not worry about what other’s think or me or my parenting style (and for those of you who know me well, I ALWAYS worry about what other’s think!).

Fast forward 4 years later and we have survived (so far) and added TWINS to the mix…FUN!…there are good days and bad days and I know one day we will miss all of this…but not today…NOT T-O-D-A-Y!

 

 

 

ME…

When I was a young naïve single girl living at home with my parents, I had my whole future planned out in my “young adult” mind…..I wanted the “fancy job,” married with 2 children by the time I was 25, the swanky ride, big house and everything in between!!  WOW!!  Guess a girl could dream, right?!

Now I’m sure a lot of that was attainable for some people, but I went on quite the roller coaster ride…from opening a business to closing a business…jumping from job to job looking to get that “dream job”…… I was so impatient and anxious that I found myself going nowhere fast! Now that I think back, there were a couple of positions that I wish I had stayed in and eventually I would have moved up…I mean that’s how it works right…start from the bottom and work your way up?? But Like I said earlier, I WAS IMPATIENT and wanted everything right away..(Be realistic Kelly!!)

So here I am at 38 years young…stay at home Mommy to 3 wonderful children (Who make me question my sanity daily)…..my 4 year old daughter, Hailey and VERY busy 19 month old girl-boy twins, Madison and Dawson.  Oh and how can I forget my sweet husband and partner in crime, Jamie…who keeps me grounded and makes me feel like my world is complete.